Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Take a deep breath, and then another

I am a bit annoyed this week and the past few weeks.

I am weighed down by the fact that so many only report the negative in International Adoption - unwittingly, perhaps, supporting the basic anti-adoption undercurrents of so many cultures, so many peoples. Unwittingly supporting racism, fear of different races in their life.

I believe that many people of many cultures can open their heart - look at the woman in the world over that have raised children not "their own," although to me that is no surprise. It is how society has worked for years, but, when things are tough, when there is too much need, or society gets too cut off, some people cant open their hearts. Some people can never do it.

We try not to use the word hate in our family, not lightly, as I believe hate is something that happens when people start to distrust people that look different, act different, or are perceived to be different from them. Some people start to hate so young, I just want to save the word for something real, not something daily, like not liking the cereal you are eating.

I think that family, familiarity if you will, looking the same, from the first years of your life, your initial patterning, is such an intense part of so many people. Being related is such a basis of so many cultures, that to break out of that is an amazing thing. To open your heart to the unknown, be brave and love.

All this dislike of IA, by adoptive families, no less, makes me NUTS. I do believe we must fight for honest, open adoptions, but I feel like the need to take a chill pill on the attack mode, the constant negativity. I am reminded of the great skit in the Modern Family TV sitcom, where the fab gay couple goes around saying ADOPTION in a cheerful voice for because Oprah had negatively portrayed adoption that day; frankly, in my opinion, they could stand to take a page out of that book as they stray too far into the negativity that I try, try, try to avoid in my life.

SO in response to the negativity that makes me cringe (I am from a long, long line of farmers, i can dish out the negative thinking to rival many a person), below are some cool links about adoption that you might not have.

The last few weeks have been really intense for IA, in Ethiopia, this time. There was an amazing letter in response to the events posted by Dr. Arnoson about IA.


It really hit home. I know that children continue to arrive at the orphanages in Kyrgyz and now, they are invisible to the world. Almost no one thinks of them. No child should live in an orphanage. Every child should have the right to a home.

Another voice in this negative maelstrom of press, the woman who wrote the incredible book on Ethiopia, There Is No Me Without You, wrote a great article about
two families that found their way to their families, they dug in deep, unlike the famous disrupted Russian adoption.


It had some wonderful information in it and I found a lovely one page resource to HELP attachment, not just talking about the negative aspects. Simple games to do. Check it out:


And last but not least, the Joint council on Children. I feel like they at least they really appear to be on the side of the children, advocating for them. Check them out:


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