Sunday, February 27, 2011

Is this working?

I hit return and posted a completely empty blog post. Being a mom completely sucks sometimes.

Okay, the pay is bad, the hours worse and other than the pure obsession your children can have with you, as a parent, you tend to only notice what you are doing wrong, not what you are doing right. And if you find doing laundry and dishes fulfilling, I should shoot you now. All in all, a crazy job.

I also try to work. I play music. I am a professional musician, or I used to be. Yes, I attempt to rehearse, play, book and perform in a music group, Tango Number 9. It also doesnt pay that much, (still more than being a mom does, but, that is a very futile road to even go down!) My web page is behind the times, my last three and more importantly, my next three shows are not even on the gigs page, I have two contracts I need to nail down, and a mini-tour to book and an album to edit and finishing producing. Just writing it all down makes me start to panic. I cant even begin to imagine editing the album. When am I going to fit that in?

What happened? My dear busy, hang from any space she can find, fall down 15 times a day, almost no nap girl came home. Now, dont get me wrong, she ROCKS. I am crazy about her, even is she can spend a whole day screaming, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMA (she is quite obsessed with me, please refer back to the job description in paragraph two) which has a definite down side. Everyone in the house starts to loose their minds, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMA.

And she is much better than she was. She gets a little strung out if too much happens in one day. She gets bored and climbs on the kitchen table or hangs from the sink in the bathroom, or her brother's Stoke Chair in the kitchen, if not enough happens, so it is a fine line. Too much stimulus, baby screams mom all day, not enough, baby falls down and flips out. Getting the balance right is almost impossible.

I am having trouble with my rotater cuff and shoulder, and, she is growing like a weed (from the less than 10 % in height, less than 5% in head circumference when she came home to the 60% in Height and head! She grew 2 inches from her year appointment to her 15 month appointment. The nurse measured her twice, as it was surprising. YEAH!

Speaking of which, this Friday, she has her shots as she was sick as can be at her last appointment. The doc wanted to give her the shots anyway, but I still had the darn virus and it was an ICKY, nasty cold. I still sound hoarse.

And look...I have moved completely away from WORK again. I am a musician for goodness sakes, it's my passion, and I cant even get my head around it. The screaming of one day makes me think I should hide under the bed and go to sleep.

I did outsource something. My dear son, home since he was 10 weeks old, the keeper, the first boy to stay, other than the original puppy boy, who has recently been torn from us, but I digress....MDS, loves science. Okay, something about myself as a mom, I just cant get around the mess of science and art, so I have learned to outsource as much as possible. I am trying to loosen up with number 2, is an uphill battle. My excuse? I really only ever did Sunday school art, at least that is all I remember.

His godparents are helping with his schools science fair and we got together today to talk about he rockets we could build and the rocket we are going to build. They are so incredibly cool to help him. He was thrilled, although, it was hard to tell as he was also busy completely playing wiht his two friends that came over. We shot off some soda pop geysers, picked a simpler rocket than originally planned and agreed to meet next week.

Music, Music they cried, and everyone grew famous.......

who said that anyway?

I do have to write more on the whole work vrs mom thing, but who knows when I will have time.

that's all for now


Jeanne said...

Oh, I understand your confusion and anguish. Since I became a mother with a career, I have always second-guessed whether I'm doing either one properly. Best wishes getting your dear daughter through these times of such growth for her. I would think that much physical change would set her nervous system on edge. The beautiful thing is that you are there when she screams MOMMA!

catharine said...

Thanks! Mostly I feel as if I do both strangely, but I am a better mom for working, I think.

Jennene said...

Cool to read what's going on with you and relate to it a little. These little girls are active!!