Two years around, more or less

Tomorrow is Miss B's 2nd birthday party.

She has worked all week on putting out two fingers. Now, she can do it in a flash.

She likes to remind everyone that it is an OWL Birthday.

She has a gluten free cake that her dad put two owls and a big B under some branches, as the vegan, gluten free mad hippie bakers who baked, do not decorate. (Maybe gluten free for people who dont actually have a wheat allergy, means that one might be apt to loose their sense of adventure, dont ask me.)

Time flies. Suddenly, she is two. She is off wheat and on raw milk. She will proudly show you where she no longer has a rash. No rash, she says. No wheat, she says....it has cut the cranky screaming by 80 %, a huge change around here. She happily, most times, only wants to eat the non wheat things. I hope she outgrows it, but if not, thank goodness we found it early.

B has requested a car recently. A real car. Daddy get, did she say? When asked what she will do with said car, she replied, I go....She does like to go. She says, BB go, and she does, to BB school - Little Wonders, to music class with teacher Jill, to the park, to The Ladies who do cranial..to her first OT appointment, to the dog park to see the dogs and the dog friends, to take E to school. BB go, she says.

I am much less stressed about her actual birthday this year. We will be at the Atlantis, again, as we will for most of her birthday days, one imagines, but since we dont know the exact day, I am enjoying the month, knowing that by the 20, she will definitely be two times around the seasons. I like to think she was born on Nov 9 or Nov 17, but I imagine we will never know. Many people in Ethiopia have no idea of their birthday, so that at least, is similar to many of the people

Obviously, as I havent posted in a million years, our life is full of toddler and our big man, who is 7, the boyish things. I work a little, but mostly I try to remember to enjoy the moments that are the stuff of their childhood. I try to kodak my brain with good, beautiful things that happen each day and not let the little things drive me slowly mad. I would love to go to the movies, sleep in, go away for a week, by myself or with my husband, read a book all day, but right now, right here, there is no time for that. There is breakfast, owls, cats, baths, ninjas, jumping, laundry, walking the dog, lego, small and big toys littering the floor, books, books and more books....

Little Gorilla has been a huge favorite for a few months. On Mothers Lap, Mog, the forgetful cat, is now popular...so many that she loves.

Coming are some of her friends from Little Wonders, Will, Ionne, maybe Piper, from Nueva, Stella, or Stellina, a little girl also adopted from Ethiopia, Rowan, Cha, Caleb & Ryan, for Eli, really. I am sure I have forgotten some little one, Gramme and Auntie Caroline....& all her godparents, official and unofficial. Almost everyone we invited 6 days ago is coming. I thought if I made it last minute it would be smaller, but she is very popular in certain circles.... :)

E is 7 and B is 2, she holds up 2 fingers, he holds up one hand plus two fingers. Next year, she will hold up 3 and he will hold up one hand and three....it will last until they are ten. so sweet.

oh boy

Oh boy -

We start editing the 4th tango album next week. I can no longer tie my shoes...solution? Yes, I am a mom, I have one. Just buy shoes that you slip on; but that does not create that much extra time. I couldn't tie my shoes before I started working, and now, I still cant, but at least I have solved one daily problem. No shoe laces. Everything is easier.

I dont know how I will be ready.

Miss thing is a sweetie. She still hangs by her fingertips, climbs on chairs, swings by her fingertips from the back of her brother's chair, but she is a sweetie. She hasnt had a big crying jag for a while. She doesnt like mitch much yet, but she likes him more each day. She is really enjoying her two classes and getting to know the people there. She sure is social. She loves Little Wonders baby school and MyGym and her friend Stella who goes there. I cant keep all the names straight, but I just put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking.

She doesnt sleep as much as E, so the work is much harder to squeeze into the space and then I have a second to worry about. He is big, but he does need attention. AKK!

Being a mom and trying to work as a musician is a strange combo. I only work part time but she freaks out if I am out late at a gig. I have been gigging less, but that might actually make it harder. Oh well. One day at a time, right?

Now, to stop procrastinating. At least the washer and drying are supposed to be fixed. I WILL never buy a major appliance at Lowes again.

that's all for now

Take a deep breath, and then another

I am a bit annoyed this week and the past few weeks.

I am weighed down by the fact that so many only report the negative in International Adoption - unwittingly, perhaps, supporting the basic anti-adoption undercurrents of so many cultures, so many peoples. Unwittingly supporting racism, fear of different races in their life.

I believe that many people of many cultures can open their heart - look at the woman in the world over that have raised children not "their own," although to me that is no surprise. It is how society has worked for years, but, when things are tough, when there is too much need, or society gets too cut off, some people cant open their hearts. Some people can never do it.

We try not to use the word hate in our family, not lightly, as I believe hate is something that happens when people start to distrust people that look different, act different, or are perceived to be different from them. Some people start to hate so young, I just want to save the word for something real, not something daily, like not liking the cereal you are eating.

I think that family, familiarity if you will, looking the same, from the first years of your life, your initial patterning, is such an intense part of so many people. Being related is such a basis of so many cultures, that to break out of that is an amazing thing. To open your heart to the unknown, be brave and love.

All this dislike of IA, by adoptive families, no less, makes me NUTS. I do believe we must fight for honest, open adoptions, but I feel like the need to take a chill pill on the attack mode, the constant negativity. I am reminded of the great skit in the Modern Family TV sitcom, where the fab gay couple goes around saying ADOPTION in a cheerful voice for because Oprah had negatively portrayed adoption that day; frankly, in my opinion, they could stand to take a page out of that book as they stray too far into the negativity that I try, try, try to avoid in my life.

SO in response to the negativity that makes me cringe (I am from a long, long line of farmers, i can dish out the negative thinking to rival many a person), below are some cool links about adoption that you might not have.

The last few weeks have been really intense for IA, in Ethiopia, this time. There was an amazing letter in response to the events posted by Dr. Arnoson about IA.

http://betheanswerforchildren.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/dr-aronson-letter.pdf

It really hit home. I know that children continue to arrive at the orphanages in Kyrgyz and now, they are invisible to the world. Almost no one thinks of them. No child should live in an orphanage. Every child should have the right to a home.

Another voice in this negative maelstrom of press, the woman who wrote the incredible book on Ethiopia, There Is No Me Without You, wrote a great article about two families that found their way to their families, they dug in deep, unlike the famous disrupted Russian adoption.

http://melissafaygreene.com/


It had some wonderful information in it and I found a lovely one page resource to HELP attachment, not just talking about the negative aspects. Simple games to do. Check it out:

http://www.theraplay.org/articles/94_sp_Activities.htm

And last but not least, the Joint council on Children. I feel like they at least they really appear to be on the side of the children, advocating for them. Check them out:

http://www.jointcouncil.org/

Is this working?

I hit return and posted a completely empty blog post. Being a mom completely sucks sometimes.

Okay, the pay is bad, the hours worse and other than the pure obsession your children can have with you, as a parent, you tend to only notice what you are doing wrong, not what you are doing right. And if you find doing laundry and dishes fulfilling, I should shoot you now. All in all, a crazy job.

I also try to work. I play music. I am a professional musician, or I used to be. Yes, I attempt to rehearse, play, book and perform in a music group, Tango Number 9. It also doesnt pay that much, (still more than being a mom does, but, that is a very futile road to even go down!) My web page is behind the times, my last three and more importantly, my next three shows are not even on the gigs page, I have two contracts I need to nail down, and a mini-tour to book and an album to edit and finishing producing. Just writing it all down makes me start to panic. I cant even begin to imagine editing the album. When am I going to fit that in?

What happened? My dear busy, hang from any space she can find, fall down 15 times a day, almost no nap girl came home. Now, dont get me wrong, she ROCKS. I am crazy about her, even is she can spend a whole day screaming, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMA (she is quite obsessed with me, please refer back to the job description in paragraph two) which has a definite down side. Everyone in the house starts to loose their minds, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMA.

And she is much better than she was. She gets a little strung out if too much happens in one day. She gets bored and climbs on the kitchen table or hangs from the sink in the bathroom, or her brother's Stoke Chair in the kitchen, if not enough happens, so it is a fine line. Too much stimulus, baby screams mom all day, not enough, baby falls down and flips out. Getting the balance right is almost impossible.

I am having trouble with my rotater cuff and shoulder, and, she is growing like a weed (from the less than 10 % in height, less than 5% in head circumference when she came home to the 60% in Height and head! She grew 2 inches from her year appointment to her 15 month appointment. The nurse measured her twice, as it was surprising. YEAH!

Speaking of which, this Friday, she has her shots as she was sick as can be at her last appointment. The doc wanted to give her the shots anyway, but I still had the darn virus and it was an ICKY, nasty cold. I still sound hoarse.

And look...I have moved completely away from WORK again. I am a musician for goodness sakes, it's my passion, and I cant even get my head around it. The screaming of one day makes me think I should hide under the bed and go to sleep.

I did outsource something. My dear son, home since he was 10 weeks old, the keeper, the first boy to stay, other than the original puppy boy, who has recently been torn from us, but I digress....MDS, loves science. Okay, something about myself as a mom, I just cant get around the mess of science and art, so I have learned to outsource as much as possible. I am trying to loosen up with number 2, but.....it is an uphill battle. My excuse? I really only ever did Sunday school art, at least that is all I remember.

His godparents are helping with his schools science fair and we got together today to talk about he rockets we could build and the rocket we are going to build. They are so incredibly cool to help him. He was thrilled, although, it was hard to tell as he was also busy completely playing wiht his two friends that came over. We shot off some soda pop geysers, picked a simpler rocket than originally planned and agreed to meet next week.

Music, Music they cried, and everyone grew famous.......

who said that anyway?


I do have to write more on the whole work vrs mom thing, but who knows when I will have time.


that's all for now

I do not accept this type of justice

okay. this is a sucky week.

It is raining.

We are not moving to some cool country.

We all have a nasty cold, but the baby appears to be slightly impervious to getting tired, anyway. She did throw up her phlegm all over me and then scream for an hour. Poor girl. She is getting it last. I hope she doesnt get the fever her brother and I have had for the last week. The coolest thing about it was hanging out with him as one of miss thing's slaves entertained her whilst I was sick as could be.

At least my sister has been here to help. Thank goodness.

We are not going skiing for ski week. We are not going to Hawaii either. Mark Harry Potterland and legoland off the list also.


Rumsey is gone. He fell off a cliff and died. I am bereft. He was our first boy, the boy that stayed with us. He loved me without reservation, without any boundaries. He couldnt help himself. His life began and soon after, we were engulfed by tragedy. As a tender puppy, he had the job of trying to keep Mitchel and I in one piece after Zeno died so unexpectedly. And what a job he did of it. He worked so hard. If we argued, he took it personally. He was so much more than a dog to us, we are so very much diminished. and to loose him, as healthy as he was, to have his life book-ended by another tragedy, is so very very hard.

Sudden, accidental death is so very hard to wrap your head around. Really, it is an act of god, the kind of thing that people who have the energy to mop their floor every night before they sleep are trying desperately to avoid, but really, there is no avoiding it. Either the hand touches you or it doesnt; there is no controlling accidents. Not really. we live in this life, thinking we have control over things, but so many of the big ones are out of our hands. When we are born, we we die, if you are going to get hit by that bus, be lucky in love, keeping our loved ones safe, so many are actually not really in our hands. That doesnt mean we dont try to control our lives, but usually, that control is only illusion.

The greatest paradox is that everyday people die and it doesnt effect you. Then, when it does, you are so lost. I know he was our puppy boy, but he was so very good to us. He was so patient and he loved more than he should. That was said about him, he loves you more than he should.

Really, i do not accept this type of justice, but what choice do I have?

My life is not the same without him.

Here is wishing him the highest possible evolution such a special spirit like his can have. I so wish he had not left us so soon.

and the rain falls and falls.