I do not accept this type of justice

okay. this is a sucky week.

It is raining.

We are not moving to some cool country.

We all have a nasty cold, but the baby appears to be slightly impervious to getting tired, anyway. She did throw up her phlegm all over me and then scream for an hour. Poor girl. She is getting it last. I hope she doesnt get the fever her brother and I have had for the last week. The coolest thing about it was hanging out with him as one of miss thing's slaves entertained her whilst I was sick as could be.

At least my sister has been here to help. Thank goodness.

We are not going skiing for ski week. We are not going to Hawaii either. Mark Harry Potterland and legoland off the list also.


Rumsey is gone. He fell off a cliff and died. I am bereft. He was our first boy, the boy that stayed with us. He loved me without reservation, without any boundaries. He couldnt help himself. His life began and soon after, we were engulfed by tragedy. As a tender puppy, he had the job of trying to keep Mitchel and I in one piece after Zeno died so unexpectedly. And what a job he did of it. He worked so hard. If we argued, he took it personally. He was so much more than a dog to us, we are so very much diminished. and to loose him, as healthy as he was, to have his life book-ended by another tragedy, is so very very hard.

Sudden, accidental death is so very hard to wrap your head around. Really, it is an act of god, the kind of thing that people who have the energy to mop their floor every night before they sleep are trying desperately to avoid, but really, there is no avoiding it. Either the hand touches you or it doesnt; there is no controlling accidents. Not really. we live in this life, thinking we have control over things, but so many of the big ones are out of our hands. When we are born, we we die, if you are going to get hit by that bus, be lucky in love, keeping our loved ones safe, so many are actually not really in our hands. That doesnt mean we dont try to control our lives, but usually, that control is only illusion.

The greatest paradox is that everyday people die and it doesnt effect you. Then, when it does, you are so lost. I know he was our puppy boy, but he was so very good to us. He was so patient and he loved more than he should. That was said about him, he loves you more than he should.

Really, i do not accept this type of justice, but what choice do I have?

My life is not the same without him.

Here is wishing him the highest possible evolution such a special spirit like his can have. I so wish he had not left us so soon.

and the rain falls and falls.