Still waiting...
Yep, the beginning of a new period of waiting. Waiting for the specific child that will be matched with us. Why her, why us? I remember wondering about that before Eli came home. And now, he has just begun to wonder the same.
I like to say it was meant to be....but the randomness of it is what is scary to him, to us. How do so many stories work out? I think it has to do with opening your heart and letting the love in. Connecting with your baby, your child, whomever they are and accepting them. It starts there and grows and grows. That is what we dream about now, with whomever, wherever our daughter is, now....
I think that this aspect of opening to a person who is a stranger when you first meet is scary for so many people, especially for those who come from traditional families. Family is something that looks like you, sounds like you, comes from you. This is the basic things we learn, before we can talk.
With adoption, it starts with the heart and has to continue with the heart. You cant take connecting with your child for granted, you must slow down and do so, and it isnt always easy. Attachment style is something that you get, left over from your family and from their family - the people that have raised you and those before you. Both the leftovers and the best they could do.
Yes, my grandmother was a motherless daughter; my mother is an excellent mom, but when Eli hit 3 or 4, I found myself, unconsciously "running" away, walking in the other room, to clean, to do an errand, to be alone, I guess - but it wasn't planned. It was a compulsion, that felt like it came from outside of me. I had to stop, and sit and just be with him, and with myself to let it go. It didn't take an enormous change, but I had to figure out what was going on to try and change it. It took about 3 months to at least make a dent in it.
I once read, in ADOPTIVE FAMILIES Magazine, that some adoptive families reported that many people, family and friends, often "discourage" a second adoption. As much as they love your first child by adoption, they have forgotten how they opened their hearts, they have forgotten their fear of the stranger, of the new. You just have to be brave, just a little brave.
Once we have a picture, then the waiting will be come excruciating. Oh well, we have waited two years, so far, lets just put it in the bank. I guess she doesn't like to be rushed, she likes to make an entrance.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
The path to Ethiopia....
Some thoughts on our journey.
I don’t know what is going on. But this is some of how we got here.
2 years ago we started a journey. In fact, almost two years ago to the day. I have an email to our homestudy agency asking about programs and referring to a phone call... on Jan 21, 2008.
Eli, (Guatemala) is 5 1/4 now and has been waiting patiently for two years for his baby sister. Since he was 3 and a half! Eli is wonderful. He is such a happy kid. He is in Pre-K and his school rocks. They are studying mushrooms and lichen at school; we are making a spore print right now. He just had his first guitar lesson – after picking his own instrument. I am so proud of how hard he is working at it. It is a joy to hang out with him. I said to him this week, “you know, I am a weird mom,” and he said, eyes big, and in love, “No, you’re not, you’re perfect just the way you are.” Oh, the love of a 5 year old. Such a beautiful thing.
So, two years ago, we decided to try and adopt another child, and had the countries that we qualified to be AP's in narrowed to Thailand and Kyrgyzstan, a new program. We chose the Kyrgyz Republic. Eli had a teacher’s aid from there, we had her over and were so very excited. We bought books, we read them, we were ready. Waiting, paper in country. It felt perfect.
Then, last year, while waiting for a referral, I noticed that the adoptions in Kyrgyzstan were stalled.
I told Mitch, I think we need to change countries. We were so disappointed, especially Eli. When we told him, he cried, and then got angry with me. I didn’t realize, as we had had several months to process the change, to grieve, and to start to move on; we told him after the grownups had worked through the change. It was hard work, I felt so sad about saying goodbye to Kyrgyz. We had felt an energy from there, wanting to come home to us; and then later, we also felt it’s absence, but we knew it was the right thing.
Our agency didn’t really believe the country was closed, and we instigated the change, which was stressful. The homestudy update took forever and I began to lose my patience. Some people on the internet said their agencies just transferred their dossiers; we had to create a whole new one, and it felt as if it took longer than the original homestudy. Our homestudy agency said that Thailand was now closed to us. This was disappointing as it turns out that Thailand has one of the most honest adoption programs in the world. Hind sight is always crystal clear.
So, we choose a new country, Ethiopia. I had been drawn to it from the beginning and my DH jumped on board. Our family is an adoptive, interracial family and we felt keeping it on an international path felt right. That is a different, and very long story, but one simple reason is that we wanted our children to have a similar experience, being from a land far away. I had been drawn to adoption in Ethiopia and was again, and ultimately, we decided.
The approval came in and our paperwork was finalized the first week of July. We moved houses July 2nd, and after the dust settled from the 4th of July, I went and had the last of the documents notarized and apostiled, and copied them (way more complicated once they have special notary and state stamps....what a pain, add to that, I had bring the printer from the old house to the new house and set it up, what a crazy mess) and mailed them off to the “in-country” agency. They had them stamped in DC and sent to Ethiopia. Our paperwork was registered August 21.
I looked at the web site, and we are pretty close to next in line. There are a few names around our time-line, so I am sure it will work out; no one registered is before us. We were originally told 3 months to referral, then 5, and now it looks like six. I hope we have a referral by March. Still, the timelines are very short compared to all the other agencies I looked at; hopefully it will happen someday.
Today, I have been thinking about our multitude of reasons for having trouble waiting for a referral; waiting for a baby. It hasn’t always worked for us, sometime spectacularly so. First, losing Zeno. Then, luck, we had Eli come home, and so very young, like magic; we couldnt believe he would ever come home, and then he did. Then Kyrgyz, and the journey stopped there and the tragedy of families caught in the shuffle. Now, a new country, waiting, maybe, maybe, maybe.....
One thing I lost in the middle of this journey, the Kyrgyz group. Such an amazing group of individuals. Lots of smart, level heads, with good ideas to contribute, a real community. I have not had as much luck yet with finding anything similar in the Ethiopia world, but I hope I do someday.
Another thing? belief that a child will come home.
I feel as if International Adoption & transracial adoption are undergoing huge changes. Sometimes it feels as if they are under attack. At the same time, I do believe in supporting families, in helping children stay with families, when possible. I also think that children should be with forever families at a young age, if they can, and I believe in honest adoptions. How these statements go together is a very complicated tapestry at this point, but I dont believe they are incompatible.
I feel that for most people, matching their family is one of the most basic premises, coded in from infancy. To support a family bonded in difference with love is hard for some people to understand.
It is no longer hard for me to understand. It is home.
I don’t know what is going on. But this is some of how we got here.
2 years ago we started a journey. In fact, almost two years ago to the day. I have an email to our homestudy agency asking about programs and referring to a phone call... on Jan 21, 2008.
Eli, (Guatemala) is 5 1/4 now and has been waiting patiently for two years for his baby sister. Since he was 3 and a half! Eli is wonderful. He is such a happy kid. He is in Pre-K and his school rocks. They are studying mushrooms and lichen at school; we are making a spore print right now. He just had his first guitar lesson – after picking his own instrument. I am so proud of how hard he is working at it. It is a joy to hang out with him. I said to him this week, “you know, I am a weird mom,” and he said, eyes big, and in love, “No, you’re not, you’re perfect just the way you are.” Oh, the love of a 5 year old. Such a beautiful thing.
So, two years ago, we decided to try and adopt another child, and had the countries that we qualified to be AP's in narrowed to Thailand and Kyrgyzstan, a new program. We chose the Kyrgyz Republic. Eli had a teacher’s aid from there, we had her over and were so very excited. We bought books, we read them, we were ready. Waiting, paper in country. It felt perfect.
Then, last year, while waiting for a referral, I noticed that the adoptions in Kyrgyzstan were stalled.
I told Mitch, I think we need to change countries. We were so disappointed, especially Eli. When we told him, he cried, and then got angry with me. I didn’t realize, as we had had several months to process the change, to grieve, and to start to move on; we told him after the grownups had worked through the change. It was hard work, I felt so sad about saying goodbye to Kyrgyz. We had felt an energy from there, wanting to come home to us; and then later, we also felt it’s absence, but we knew it was the right thing.
Our agency didn’t really believe the country was closed, and we instigated the change, which was stressful. The homestudy update took forever and I began to lose my patience. Some people on the internet said their agencies just transferred their dossiers; we had to create a whole new one, and it felt as if it took longer than the original homestudy. Our homestudy agency said that Thailand was now closed to us. This was disappointing as it turns out that Thailand has one of the most honest adoption programs in the world. Hind sight is always crystal clear.
So, we choose a new country, Ethiopia. I had been drawn to it from the beginning and my DH jumped on board. Our family is an adoptive, interracial family and we felt keeping it on an international path felt right. That is a different, and very long story, but one simple reason is that we wanted our children to have a similar experience, being from a land far away. I had been drawn to adoption in Ethiopia and was again, and ultimately, we decided.
The approval came in and our paperwork was finalized the first week of July. We moved houses July 2nd, and after the dust settled from the 4th of July, I went and had the last of the documents notarized and apostiled, and copied them (way more complicated once they have special notary and state stamps....what a pain, add to that, I had bring the printer from the old house to the new house and set it up, what a crazy mess) and mailed them off to the “in-country” agency. They had them stamped in DC and sent to Ethiopia. Our paperwork was registered August 21.
I looked at the web site, and we are pretty close to next in line. There are a few names around our time-line, so I am sure it will work out; no one registered is before us. We were originally told 3 months to referral, then 5, and now it looks like six. I hope we have a referral by March. Still, the timelines are very short compared to all the other agencies I looked at; hopefully it will happen someday.
Today, I have been thinking about our multitude of reasons for having trouble waiting for a referral; waiting for a baby. It hasn’t always worked for us, sometime spectacularly so. First, losing Zeno. Then, luck, we had Eli come home, and so very young, like magic; we couldnt believe he would ever come home, and then he did. Then Kyrgyz, and the journey stopped there and the tragedy of families caught in the shuffle. Now, a new country, waiting, maybe, maybe, maybe.....
One thing I lost in the middle of this journey, the Kyrgyz group. Such an amazing group of individuals. Lots of smart, level heads, with good ideas to contribute, a real community. I have not had as much luck yet with finding anything similar in the Ethiopia world, but I hope I do someday.
Another thing? belief that a child will come home.
I feel as if International Adoption & transracial adoption are undergoing huge changes. Sometimes it feels as if they are under attack. At the same time, I do believe in supporting families, in helping children stay with families, when possible. I also think that children should be with forever families at a young age, if they can, and I believe in honest adoptions. How these statements go together is a very complicated tapestry at this point, but I dont believe they are incompatible.
I feel that for most people, matching their family is one of the most basic premises, coded in from infancy. To support a family bonded in difference with love is hard for some people to understand.
It is no longer hard for me to understand. It is home.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Again with the Rain
Okay, so a year has passed, and I havent written in this blog. Time is now to start.
Today we did not receive a referral. We have been waiting 5 months since our paperwork was registered and this week I got really excited because our adoption rep was visiting Ethiopia and said he was going to get referrals.
He did. Just not ours.
For those in the peanut gallery that care, we are an adoptive family, awaiting a infant or toddler girl from Ethiopia. I think the age range is 9-18 months, but until we have a picture and a hopefully correct birth date, we know nothing.
My response to the wait:
Read the groups. Stop reading the groups. stop entirely. Stop posting.
here I am.
Today we did not receive a referral. We have been waiting 5 months since our paperwork was registered and this week I got really excited because our adoption rep was visiting Ethiopia and said he was going to get referrals.
He did. Just not ours.
For those in the peanut gallery that care, we are an adoptive family, awaiting a infant or toddler girl from Ethiopia. I think the age range is 9-18 months, but until we have a picture and a hopefully correct birth date, we know nothing.
My response to the wait:
Read the groups. Stop reading the groups. stop entirely. Stop posting.
here I am.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Rain, rain......
It is almost about to rain, but the question is what? and when? And how about where?
Will this path lead to our family growing? Will we stay and fix up this big ol' house in the mission? Are the members of my band going to change? Will we move? Will we get to record at the Chapel of the chimes? Will the new baby come home quick or slow? Are they born yet?
One thing is certain, Rumsey will want another walk. He is a fine dog, almost 7 years old now, and if he would stop leaping into the air chasing his ball, his legs would be much better off. It's costing a mint to keep his body working, and then he leaps and starts it all over again. Oh well!
And he loves, loves, loves walking in the rain. That can be a wonderful thing, really. I miss our mornings at McLaren Park, the wild hidden wonder of San Francisco. One dreads going out in the rain, but if you are dressed right and it isnt miserably cold, it becomes so beautiful to be outside. I miss that as a mom, being out in the wild every day. The Persidio is our new extra haunt and it is also beautiful.
Eli is giving me the business lately. What he wants, who knows! But he is pushing my buttons. I do know, that this time, it is not an "adoption" issue. Just mom/son politics. He spends most of his time interacting with me as a baby kitty. He even likes to try and use kitty sign language to tell me his needs. He wakes up a baby, and comes and gets me as a baby. It does drive me mildly nuts, but as Darcy says, ask yourself, what does he want from it. Unconditional love. Okay. He also wants to practice being a big brother. I am little sister and he is the big brother, keeping me safe.
I know he wants to be an older brother. I've been trying not to emphasize it again until we know more.
I wonder about his birth family. Does he have older or younger siblings? Are any in the states? I have registered on the Guatemala Birth Family Registry, but no luck as yet. We are starting a search, but I have to have the hours to research the searchers, get their contact info, ask for references, and think more about what we hope for, what we can hope his birthmom might want. I hope connection is possible, but I do worry that we have so much of the control. The ability to search. The passport to the riches of el Norte, the money. The imbalance is difficult. And I wonder about opening a can of worms, especially with the idea of a burden for my son.
But, it is easy to imagine the difficult things, and less easy to keep hold of the beauty and warmth, the intangilbles that make up most relationships. Just as it is easy for people to talk themselves out of being parents, it is so hard to realise what a real connection does for you....the joys of hanging out with E when we are in the groove are impossible to define. A relationship, a true connection has to have the potential for good.
In these times, let's hold that thought.
Will this path lead to our family growing? Will we stay and fix up this big ol' house in the mission? Are the members of my band going to change? Will we move? Will we get to record at the Chapel of the chimes? Will the new baby come home quick or slow? Are they born yet?
One thing is certain, Rumsey will want another walk. He is a fine dog, almost 7 years old now, and if he would stop leaping into the air chasing his ball, his legs would be much better off. It's costing a mint to keep his body working, and then he leaps and starts it all over again. Oh well!
And he loves, loves, loves walking in the rain. That can be a wonderful thing, really. I miss our mornings at McLaren Park, the wild hidden wonder of San Francisco. One dreads going out in the rain, but if you are dressed right and it isnt miserably cold, it becomes so beautiful to be outside. I miss that as a mom, being out in the wild every day. The Persidio is our new extra haunt and it is also beautiful.
Eli is giving me the business lately. What he wants, who knows! But he is pushing my buttons. I do know, that this time, it is not an "adoption" issue. Just mom/son politics. He spends most of his time interacting with me as a baby kitty. He even likes to try and use kitty sign language to tell me his needs. He wakes up a baby, and comes and gets me as a baby. It does drive me mildly nuts, but as Darcy says, ask yourself, what does he want from it. Unconditional love. Okay. He also wants to practice being a big brother. I am little sister and he is the big brother, keeping me safe.
I know he wants to be an older brother. I've been trying not to emphasize it again until we know more.
I wonder about his birth family. Does he have older or younger siblings? Are any in the states? I have registered on the Guatemala Birth Family Registry, but no luck as yet. We are starting a search, but I have to have the hours to research the searchers, get their contact info, ask for references, and think more about what we hope for, what we can hope his birthmom might want. I hope connection is possible, but I do worry that we have so much of the control. The ability to search. The passport to the riches of el Norte, the money. The imbalance is difficult. And I wonder about opening a can of worms, especially with the idea of a burden for my son.
But, it is easy to imagine the difficult things, and less easy to keep hold of the beauty and warmth, the intangilbles that make up most relationships. Just as it is easy for people to talk themselves out of being parents, it is so hard to realise what a real connection does for you....the joys of hanging out with E when we are in the groove are impossible to define. A relationship, a true connection has to have the potential for good.
In these times, let's hold that thought.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
We have a Hat.....
January 5. 2009
we have a hat, but not much more......
I am going to start with some leftovers from the last time I was inspired to write....quite a while now. August of 2008.
That is when we became "proud owners of a Kyrgyz hat. I dont know why, but it made me really happy this morning. I guess with all the news about changing policies, and.... then I trailed off.
Our friends were traveling to China to bring home Cha, and I said, "So wonderful that she came home so young and I hope, easily. I wonder every day if our child is born today - born yet. But my new thing is to try to enjoy what I have right now.
Be here now."
And then I couldnt bring myself to post. Or even finish my thoughts on the subject. The policies in Kyrgyz are being changed, hopefully for the better, but almost all referrals groaned to a halt and over 40 families are still stuck in transit. Some have traveled for several trips, and now there is no timeline.
Our agency went on a exploratory trip and came back with a video of one of the orphanges they are helping support. It is in Osh and the children have hearing loss or are deaf. It was amazing. They took the kids to the market to buy coats and shoes. It does seem from the images, and what the director that went on the trip wrote, there is a need for adoption in this country.
With the question of need, we supported some kids on a Christian web site, and I just discovered a non-religious site that looks cool....the site we helped on is from one of the Kyrgy Adopt group:
http://www.actofkindness.blogspot.com/
John really is getting help to the people that need it. The other I just glanced at but looked really cool:
http://www.alpinefund.org/Home.html
And just recently there is some promises of motion in January. I want to see some people continuing on their journeys before ours begin. Some people who where just a bit a head have children home, others are stuck in the journey.
The road is wild.
Eli is growing like a weed. The holidays still have him amped up. Relatives, our friends, so many came to visit. We had Christmas Eve with our bay area family, which is growing by leaps and bounds. Cha, home from China in August at 11 months and Jes home from Korea at 11 months just in time for Christmas. They brought their parents, and then E's Godmonsters and God Parents and we had a wonderful celebration, filled with our this just-add-water and mix-things-up family.
I wasn't sure where our road is leading us; I still have no idea.
My band is going through changes, but things are going along. I thought we would be becoming new parents, so I wasnt particularly worried about the band. What would happen would happen. We are planning on doing a live album and my heart and head are getting into that idea. Ibs will be out with the other group a bunch, but what does that mean? and my family may have a new addition, but when? I dont know if I should book shows or not. This is the third time I have been worried about booking things. What if we should travel to Kyrgyzstan and I have some concert I need to play? What if the timeline is so long we give up on the process. Should we consider domestic adoption? Should we even rock the boat?
Life is sweet with one wonderful boy....his journey was so fast and furious and we really needed that. This time, I wonder what we need, what my music needs, which way I should look, give my energy.
And that brings me back to the simple idea, BE HERE NOW.
Okay, I'll try, but it took me several expensive years of fantastic therapy to be able to believe in making plans for the future and I would like to hold onto some of that work. :)
we have a hat, but not much more......
I am going to start with some leftovers from the last time I was inspired to write....quite a while now. August of 2008.
That is when we became "proud owners of a Kyrgyz hat. I dont know why, but it made me really happy this morning. I guess with all the news about changing policies, and.... then I trailed off.
Our friends were traveling to China to bring home Cha, and I said, "So wonderful that she came home so young and I hope, easily. I wonder every day if our child is born today - born yet. But my new thing is to try to enjoy what I have right now.
Be here now."
And then I couldnt bring myself to post. Or even finish my thoughts on the subject. The policies in Kyrgyz are being changed, hopefully for the better, but almost all referrals groaned to a halt and over 40 families are still stuck in transit. Some have traveled for several trips, and now there is no timeline.
Our agency went on a exploratory trip and came back with a video of one of the orphanges they are helping support. It is in Osh and the children have hearing loss or are deaf. It was amazing. They took the kids to the market to buy coats and shoes. It does seem from the images, and what the director that went on the trip wrote, there is a need for adoption in this country.
With the question of need, we supported some kids on a Christian web site, and I just discovered a non-religious site that looks cool....the site we helped on is from one of the Kyrgy Adopt group:
http://www.actofkindness.blogspot.com/
John really is getting help to the people that need it. The other I just glanced at but looked really cool:
http://www.alpinefund.org/Home.html
And just recently there is some promises of motion in January. I want to see some people continuing on their journeys before ours begin. Some people who where just a bit a head have children home, others are stuck in the journey.
The road is wild.
Eli is growing like a weed. The holidays still have him amped up. Relatives, our friends, so many came to visit. We had Christmas Eve with our bay area family, which is growing by leaps and bounds. Cha, home from China in August at 11 months and Jes home from Korea at 11 months just in time for Christmas. They brought their parents, and then E's Godmonsters and God Parents and we had a wonderful celebration, filled with our this just-add-water and mix-things-up family.
I wasn't sure where our road is leading us; I still have no idea.
My band is going through changes, but things are going along. I thought we would be becoming new parents, so I wasnt particularly worried about the band. What would happen would happen. We are planning on doing a live album and my heart and head are getting into that idea. Ibs will be out with the other group a bunch, but what does that mean? and my family may have a new addition, but when? I dont know if I should book shows or not. This is the third time I have been worried about booking things. What if we should travel to Kyrgyzstan and I have some concert I need to play? What if the timeline is so long we give up on the process. Should we consider domestic adoption? Should we even rock the boat?
Life is sweet with one wonderful boy....his journey was so fast and furious and we really needed that. This time, I wonder what we need, what my music needs, which way I should look, give my energy.
And that brings me back to the simple idea, BE HERE NOW.
Okay, I'll try, but it took me several expensive years of fantastic therapy to be able to believe in making plans for the future and I would like to hold onto some of that work. :)
Monday, August 4, 2008
The French are coming, the French are coming...speaking, reading and what not
The French are coming, the French are coming.
We had a BBQ several weekends ago, in honor of our visiting French Friends, with beautiful sunshine and about 45 people, and then, the next day, a traditional SF summer picnic in the park, at the usual spot, and yes, in the fog. Beth said we are getting old. We used to do both all the time, and this time, it ruined us all.
Then, Christophe and his boys (the French) came to stay with us the next week. We went to the Oakland Zoo (rocking, our first trip) and to Alcatraz. Alcatraz with 3 adults, and six kids, and Malfi, this cool kids toy I found from some magazine. Christophe's boys, Noe and Elijah loved having the Alcatraz headsets in French, but Eli was done after the Ferry Ride.
And then had a rocking dinner party, 16 adults, 3 kids, outside, at night. Warm San Francisco nights. The menu was out of this world. New World cuisine, and I am still full thinking about it 3 weeks later.
And it is amazing how close friends, are still your friends, even if you don't see them for years on end. The gathering of the tribe is a good thing.
And speaking of that...a tribe at the beginning.
The next day was the first BAKE (Bay Area Kyrgyzstan Adoption Entourage) adoption picnic. I stumbled over, leaving all the boys at home, after a foggy day at the beach with Rumsey, Eli and the French. Suzanne hosted a lovely BBQ, replete with Kyrgyz food. It was so fun to see the three beautiful children home from Kyrgyzstan and cool to meet the fellow Bay Area prospective adoptive parents (PAP's). I hope that such a cool group can be a good touchstone for the children that come home from Kyrgyzstan. An adoptive child has their birth culture taken from them, and is given ours, no questions asked. With Central Asia is 22 hours away, the more connections that I, as a PAP can help build for them, the better. I hope it continues to grow into a good resource for our potential future children.
There was a post a few weeks ago on the Kyrgyzstan board about speech therapy. And I started to respond with a big list of books, but thought it might be invasive. Maybe they know all the books. But it got me thinking ...... maybe I should write down Eli's Favorites from when he was little. Share the wealth of literature my mom has shown me...and save it for some distant future.
I brought the list over here to my blog and decided to write down some of Eli's favorite books that I remember by age, more or less. Then, it got complicated, remembering and I have had been trying to edit it for the rest of July.
My mom is a children's book fanatic, and has turned me into one. I would never had know to read to a baby from the day they were born, the day they came into your family, each and everyday, unless she had shown me. And I would not have know what to read. She often would present some of Eli's favorite books just at the right time for him to fall in love with them. The only down side is that we have so many books, it is hard to choose and hard to find places for them...but one can have worse problems. My mom rocks Eli's library.
And keep in mind, they were Eli's favorites. Some of them I would never had even checked out of the library, but at that age, he LOVED them.
ELI'S FAVORITE BOOKS
0-9 months - any book that rhymes.....
Baby Goes Beep (Rebecca O'Connell) ***
Clap Hands (Helen Oxenbury)
Goodnight Moon (Margret Wise Brown) ***
Hushabye (John Burmingham) - we loved this one
This Little Chick (John Lawrence) - Still likes this one, & talking to mom is cool...
Tickle, Tickle (Oxenbury)
Time For Bed (Mem Fox & Jane Dyer)
Nursery Rhymes - Big pictures & multicultural
Who said Moo ( Ziefert & Taback ) ***
9 -18 months
Going to Sleep on the Farm (Lewison & Wijngaard)
I Like it When (Mary Murphy) - don't-run-in-the-street book, hold my hand!
I Love Trucks (Sturges & Halpern)
I love you like Crazy Cakes (Lewis & Dyer) adoption book
Mice Squeak, We Speak (de Paolo) - great sound and talking book
Runaway Bunny (Brown)
Moon Bear (Frank Asch)
More, More, More, said the baby ( V. B. Williams)
Trucks, Trucks, Trucks (Peter Sis)
18 - 24 Months
Love Songs of the Little Bear (M.W. Brown & Susan Jeffers)***
Carry Me (Rosemary Wells) ***
Cat Goes Fiddle-i-fee - two editions
Four Fur Feet - two editions and loved them when he was tiny
Jamberry (Bruce Degen) - liked paperback version best
Over In the Meadow (Paul Galdone's edition is very nice)
Owl Babies (Waddell & Benson) - mommy always comes back book
Swimmy (Leo Lionni) ***
Where is the Green Sheep? (Mem Fox) - funny book ***
What Game Shall We Play (Hutchinson) - repetitive ***
The Yellow Ball (Molly Bang) ***
2 years
Bears in Pairs (Yektai) ***
Corduroy (Freeman)
Feathers for Lunch (Ehlert)
Good Morning Digger (Rockwell & Greenberg)
Goodnight Owl (Hutchinson)
Harry Maclary (lynley Dodd) *** the whole series
Mr Gumpy's Outing (Burningham)
Sam Who Never Forgets (Eve Rice) dug this book ***
Tough Boris (Mem Fox) - even Pirates cry
Pezzittino (Leo Lionni) ***
Who Sank the Boat? (Pamela Allen) ***
Zen Shorts (Muth) - he was Stillwater for Halloween, so he must have been 2
Nursery Rhymes - We reviewed, comparing different editions. He dug it.
2.5 years
Ant & Bee (Banner) - out of print, but well loved
Dog And Bear (Seeger) a great book about friends, which are becoming intriguing
Hey, Get Off our Train (Burningham)
Homemade Love (bell hooks) -great unconditional love book
How to Hide a Butterfly (Heller)
I'm Mighty (Kate & Jim Mcmullan)
Mama, If you had a wish (Jeanne Modesitt) - great unconditional love book
Pet of the Met (Lydia & Don Freeman)
3.5 years
Anansi the Spider: A Tale from the Ashanti (Gerald McDermott)
Awful Ogre's Awful Day (Prelutsky & Zelinsky)
I'm a Pill Bug (Tokuda, Takahasi & Takahashi)
Puff the Magic Dragon (Yarrow, Lipton & Puybaret)
Skin Again (bell hooks & Chris Raschka)
Shirley, Come Away from the Bath (Burningham)
Superhero (Marc Tauss) - power is so important
The Magic Bed (Burningham)
Books on Reading to your kids:
Babies Need Books (Dorothy Butler) a great booklist by age, great for Library use
The Read Aloud Handbook (Jim Trelease) a great why to read book
I guess I am a book worm....
We had a BBQ several weekends ago, in honor of our visiting French Friends, with beautiful sunshine and about 45 people, and then, the next day, a traditional SF summer picnic in the park, at the usual spot, and yes, in the fog. Beth said we are getting old. We used to do both all the time, and this time, it ruined us all.
Then, Christophe and his boys (the French) came to stay with us the next week. We went to the Oakland Zoo (rocking, our first trip) and to Alcatraz. Alcatraz with 3 adults, and six kids, and Malfi, this cool kids toy I found from some magazine. Christophe's boys, Noe and Elijah loved having the Alcatraz headsets in French, but Eli was done after the Ferry Ride.
And then had a rocking dinner party, 16 adults, 3 kids, outside, at night. Warm San Francisco nights. The menu was out of this world. New World cuisine, and I am still full thinking about it 3 weeks later.
And it is amazing how close friends, are still your friends, even if you don't see them for years on end. The gathering of the tribe is a good thing.
And speaking of that...a tribe at the beginning.
The next day was the first BAKE (Bay Area Kyrgyzstan Adoption Entourage) adoption picnic. I stumbled over, leaving all the boys at home, after a foggy day at the beach with Rumsey, Eli and the French. Suzanne hosted a lovely BBQ, replete with Kyrgyz food. It was so fun to see the three beautiful children home from Kyrgyzstan and cool to meet the fellow Bay Area prospective adoptive parents (PAP's). I hope that such a cool group can be a good touchstone for the children that come home from Kyrgyzstan. An adoptive child has their birth culture taken from them, and is given ours, no questions asked. With Central Asia is 22 hours away, the more connections that I, as a PAP can help build for them, the better. I hope it continues to grow into a good resource for our potential future children.
There was a post a few weeks ago on the Kyrgyzstan board about speech therapy. And I started to respond with a big list of books, but thought it might be invasive. Maybe they know all the books. But it got me thinking ...... maybe I should write down Eli's Favorites from when he was little. Share the wealth of literature my mom has shown me...and save it for some distant future.
I brought the list over here to my blog and decided to write down some of Eli's favorite books that I remember by age, more or less. Then, it got complicated, remembering and I have had been trying to edit it for the rest of July.
My mom is a children's book fanatic, and has turned me into one. I would never had know to read to a baby from the day they were born, the day they came into your family, each and everyday, unless she had shown me. And I would not have know what to read. She often would present some of Eli's favorite books just at the right time for him to fall in love with them. The only down side is that we have so many books, it is hard to choose and hard to find places for them...but one can have worse problems. My mom rocks Eli's library.
And keep in mind, they were Eli's favorites. Some of them I would never had even checked out of the library, but at that age, he LOVED them.
ELI'S FAVORITE BOOKS
0-9 months - any book that rhymes.....
Baby Goes Beep (Rebecca O'Connell) ***
Clap Hands (Helen Oxenbury)
Goodnight Moon (Margret Wise Brown) ***
Hushabye (John Burmingham) - we loved this one
This Little Chick (John Lawrence) - Still likes this one, & talking to mom is cool...
Tickle, Tickle (Oxenbury)
Time For Bed (Mem Fox & Jane Dyer)
Nursery Rhymes - Big pictures & multicultural
Who said Moo ( Ziefert & Taback ) ***
9 -18 months
Going to Sleep on the Farm (Lewison & Wijngaard)
I Like it When (Mary Murphy) - don't-run-in-the-street book, hold my hand!
I Love Trucks (Sturges & Halpern)
I love you like Crazy Cakes (Lewis & Dyer) adoption book
Mice Squeak, We Speak (de Paolo) - great sound and talking book
Runaway Bunny (Brown)
Moon Bear (Frank Asch)
More, More, More, said the baby ( V. B. Williams)
Trucks, Trucks, Trucks (Peter Sis)
18 - 24 Months
Love Songs of the Little Bear (M.W. Brown & Susan Jeffers)***
Carry Me (Rosemary Wells) ***
Cat Goes Fiddle-i-fee - two editions
Four Fur Feet - two editions and loved them when he was tiny
Jamberry (Bruce Degen) - liked paperback version best
Over In the Meadow (Paul Galdone's edition is very nice)
Owl Babies (Waddell & Benson) - mommy always comes back book
Swimmy (Leo Lionni) ***
Where is the Green Sheep? (Mem Fox) - funny book ***
What Game Shall We Play (Hutchinson) - repetitive ***
The Yellow Ball (Molly Bang) ***
2 years
Bears in Pairs (Yektai) ***
Corduroy (Freeman)
Feathers for Lunch (Ehlert)
Good Morning Digger (Rockwell & Greenberg)
Goodnight Owl (Hutchinson)
Harry Maclary (lynley Dodd) *** the whole series
Mr Gumpy's Outing (Burningham)
Sam Who Never Forgets (Eve Rice) dug this book ***
Tough Boris (Mem Fox) - even Pirates cry
Pezzittino (Leo Lionni) ***
Who Sank the Boat? (Pamela Allen) ***
Zen Shorts (Muth) - he was Stillwater for Halloween, so he must have been 2
Nursery Rhymes - We reviewed, comparing different editions. He dug it.
2.5 years
Ant & Bee (Banner) - out of print, but well loved
Dog And Bear (Seeger) a great book about friends, which are becoming intriguing
Hey, Get Off our Train (Burningham)
Homemade Love (bell hooks) -great unconditional love book
How to Hide a Butterfly (Heller)
I'm Mighty (Kate & Jim Mcmullan)
Mama, If you had a wish (Jeanne Modesitt) - great unconditional love book
Pet of the Met (Lydia & Don Freeman)
3.5 years
Anansi the Spider: A Tale from the Ashanti (Gerald McDermott)
Awful Ogre's Awful Day (Prelutsky & Zelinsky)
I'm a Pill Bug (Tokuda, Takahasi & Takahashi)
Puff the Magic Dragon (Yarrow, Lipton & Puybaret)
Skin Again (bell hooks & Chris Raschka)
Shirley, Come Away from the Bath (Burningham)
Superhero (Marc Tauss) - power is so important
The Magic Bed (Burningham)
Books on Reading to your kids:
Babies Need Books (Dorothy Butler) a great booklist by age, great for Library use
The Read Aloud Handbook (Jim Trelease) a great why to read book
I guess I am a book worm....
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Late Night Rambles
July is slipping into August. Still waiting.
I am now less patient with waiting, and yet, it is really just the beginning of it. Waiting with a picture is more so, and waiting after the first trip, I don't even want to go there, yet. And what about people waiting for years, really what do I have to complain about?
I called the agency today and asked about the other families to try and include them in the first BAKE picnic this weekend. And, the agency said the coordinator is going to Kyrgyzstan this week. What that means, I have no idea.
Maybe it means we will get a referral soon. Or maybe not. Or maybe yes. Or, then again, maybe not. I DONT KNOW, and I guess it is best to try and be cool.
BAKE (Bay Area Kyrgyzstan Entourage) sounds like a good group of people. I am looking forward to taking Eli and meeting the people I have met online. I really like the Kyrgyzstan Yahoo group; it has some good threads and wise voices. And good support. I think we can build the BAKE to be a support for our children, these children from the other side of the planet. That is my hope.
I have been reading a bunch of adoption books lately (The Family of Adoption - J. M Pavao especially) and trying to get my head around questions Eli has been asking and some of the behavior that is coming up in his 3 and three quarters journey. Deciding where issues are adoption related and where they are typical I-am-growing-up and I-will-have-choice, that 3 year old differentiation, I have no idea. I guess we will just figure it out as we go along.
I am trying to slow down again to really be with him. Boy! What a ride. He loves to laugh.
He did want to know, maybe 6-8 weeks ago, how did we get him. Him, the specific boy to us the specific family. I didn't know how to answer, because that wasnt supposed to be on the table till he was seven. I made something up.
In my reading, there are two threads that people seem to go with. Dry fact. I dont know, it was random, and romantic, it was meant to be. People have problems with both. Maybe what really needs to be said again and again, is, I can only imagine you, or should it be, you are the perfect child for this family. I am so glad it is you....
That is really the story of parenting. On the fly, just when you least expect it, can you connect, can you field that question out of the blue? Can you try to figure out how to deal with the new emerging, boundary stretching person, right here, right now?
Each day, one day at a time.
I am now less patient with waiting, and yet, it is really just the beginning of it. Waiting with a picture is more so, and waiting after the first trip, I don't even want to go there, yet. And what about people waiting for years, really what do I have to complain about?
I called the agency today and asked about the other families to try and include them in the first BAKE picnic this weekend. And, the agency said the coordinator is going to Kyrgyzstan this week. What that means, I have no idea.
Maybe it means we will get a referral soon. Or maybe not. Or maybe yes. Or, then again, maybe not. I DONT KNOW, and I guess it is best to try and be cool.
BAKE (Bay Area Kyrgyzstan Entourage) sounds like a good group of people. I am looking forward to taking Eli and meeting the people I have met online. I really like the Kyrgyzstan Yahoo group; it has some good threads and wise voices. And good support. I think we can build the BAKE to be a support for our children, these children from the other side of the planet. That is my hope.
I have been reading a bunch of adoption books lately (The Family of Adoption - J. M Pavao especially) and trying to get my head around questions Eli has been asking and some of the behavior that is coming up in his 3 and three quarters journey. Deciding where issues are adoption related and where they are typical I-am-growing-up and I-will-have-choice, that 3 year old differentiation, I have no idea. I guess we will just figure it out as we go along.
I am trying to slow down again to really be with him. Boy! What a ride. He loves to laugh.
He did want to know, maybe 6-8 weeks ago, how did we get him. Him, the specific boy to us the specific family. I didn't know how to answer, because that wasnt supposed to be on the table till he was seven. I made something up.
In my reading, there are two threads that people seem to go with. Dry fact. I dont know, it was random, and romantic, it was meant to be. People have problems with both. Maybe what really needs to be said again and again, is, I can only imagine you, or should it be, you are the perfect child for this family. I am so glad it is you....
That is really the story of parenting. On the fly, just when you least expect it, can you connect, can you field that question out of the blue? Can you try to figure out how to deal with the new emerging, boundary stretching person, right here, right now?
Each day, one day at a time.
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