3 am Friday Morning, April 2, 2010

Addis Abba

Ethiopia is far away. That seems obvious, but it’s three in the morning and we are so darn jet lagged. Practically speaking we are just about 12 hours off. Mitch’s cell phone is even off by an hour. Who knows why, but there you are.

Yes, it does take forever to get here. Really, it took us forever!

Luckily, once everyone settled into it, it went really smoothly. Dubai is a trip; people from all over the world, and the first time where I experienced being in a group where people from the middle east were at least 40% of the population. Lots of Muslim men and women, people from India, Africa, many, many faces that reminded me of the silk route….it was really cool being in the minority.

In the Dubai airport we had a mediocre dinner at a forgettable place in the middle of the airport. Had a great breakfast at PAUL’s. Definitely will return. We tried to wake Eli up for dinner at YGF in Ethiopia, but he wouldn’t have it. I had to carry him upstairs after grabbing half a bite. The only time he really gets cranky is jet lag. He is my sweet boy.

The people at the Toukoul Guest House or YGF, are really nice. Andrea walked to the Jupiter Hotel to use the internet. We are slightly disappointed that they don’t serve Ethiopian food everyday, and the shower, of course, sucks. But, really nice people and I our driver is cool. Cant wait to have my sea legs and feel more used to the high altitude. Between that and jet lag it’s hard to have traction.

We met our daughter today. She is beyond compare. Words really fail me.

She was very, very excited and really likes to move around. She has a tight neck on one side and favors her other side. Andrea did some body work on it to loosen it up. She liked that. I held her almost the whole time, except, big brother, Eli was a great baby holder. SHE loved Eli. Wanted to know what THAT was all about. Got a bit stressed by all of us in the room and all the attention, but I just walked her.

She fell asleep in mitch’s hands, on his lap. Just for a moment. The time went way too fast. I don’t know if we will be able to go anywhere. I think we may just stay here and go see her twice a day.

She has a bit of a wheezy cough. We are going to email Dr. Aronson and ask for advice. We can also email Dr. Sofia and they have 3 docs at Toukoul. I don’t know if getting medicine here is even possible. I imagine for the cold, there isn’t much to do, but we will ask.

She has perfect feet, one ear that sticks out and a great spirit, both engaged and contained. I could go on all night, but I think getting some more sleep might be smart.

Upside down, downside up……we came to see her. I think it was important. She needs the love. We are so lucky.

Wow....

Going to visit Lulu-B. In Africa. Lot of work to pack for Africa. Half our luggage is medicine, I think. If I stayed up, i would be on Ethiopian time. Crazy, half a world away.

I am going to try and post in Africa, but I dont know if it will work. I may have to write the posts and then transfer them over to publish. Internet access is spotty and Mitchel and I will be sharing a computer. I may not get much time on it!

Alice delivered a quilt for Lulu tonight. Wow. She is so very, very, very kind. She finished it today and brought it to us. It is amazing to have new friends. I feel very lucky. We havent made many friends as parents, but that is changing this year. What a gift.

The quilt has owls. And it isnt pink. I think of Leahy. I think of wise old owl and I think of that apartment around the corner from our Guerrero Apartment a million years ago, with all the owls. They are still there, the last time I walked by with Bi-rite Ice cream.

Speaking of gifts, we called in the favors....Ed and Eileen stepped in the lurch so we could go to the Nueva benefit last night - (wild & fun) and Killian & Sean picked Mr. Schmee up at 10 took him to the park, brought him to Beth and Stasha's who proceeded to let him play Wi for several hours, then the Godmonsters brought Mr. Man home with Takeout....from Osha. Life is amazing when your friends help. And Paul and Cathy came by and brought beautiful baby clothes from Cha...gifts everywhere.

I hope I packed the right things.

Past time to sleep. we are leaving at 4 or 5 am.

We are coming to see you , dear Lulu.

Photos for Lulu-B

We passed.

Yesterday, we passed court in Ethiopia. Our daughter is legally ours, according to the Ethiopian Government. We found out today, in an email, and I called Mitchel to tell him; he could almost not speak. We happen to be going to visit, as I think she needs us, but now we are awaiting Embassy approval for a departure or pick up date. Hopefully sometime this summer.

My heart hurts today, just a bit, for the families I started this journey with. The families from the lovely Kyrgyzstan adoption group, still a group of people that I miss. Their council, their wise words and calm tones. They were a kind group and a small group. Families just before us had referrals, some with passed court dates, I think, but 65 families and children caught in limbo. A family, a child, connected but not together.

It is not rational; I know one terrifying element of this is the randomness of it all, but I feel as if Lulu-B took us from Kyrgyzstan to Ethiopia, trying very hard to come home.

Monday, now, fingers crossed, we go to visit her. And hopefully, sometime this summer she will come home. To have her not come home with us this trip, to let her stay when she is ours, I don't know how we will do that and survive, but to not go see her and give her some love is impossible. So we go. I am excited, nervous, thrilled, worried and so happy she is joining our family. Lulu-B, Lulu-B....here we come!


Our Timeline to Lulu-B:

Decided to Adopt Again: Jan 28, 08
Switched to Ethiopia, Feb, 09?
Dossier to Agency July 2, 09
Dossier Registered in Ethiopia, Aug 21, 09
Referral, Feb 1, 2010
Court: March 25, 2010 PASSED
Received news of court, March 26

Still Waiting.....

Africa and other things

The boys are sleeping and I cant sleep....there are things all over the house, and insanity in the air. The to do list is longer than I thought:

Buy dog food,
Get $20 bills all after the year 2000.
A long skirt.
Hat.
Shoe:E needs second pair of shoes, as he just out grew everything.....
Vaccinations
Find the list and find out what I forgot.
Embassy registration


It is like a treasure hunt. Special money, special treats, special med's, And the list goes on and on and on....

(We are going to Africa. Just to visit and see her.)

Today, some big bids came back on the house we are in contract on and our agent got the brunt of my mommy anger...sorry to say....that, and the lame dude flirting on his break with another Costco employee on his break at the prescription counter. I finally said to him, could you try a little harder here? We are buying a house today and going to Africa on Monday...I'd like to fill all the prescriptions and I don't have a lot of time to waste. The malaria meds sealed the deal, I think, he stepped up, although I still have to go back. i just couldn't wait.

(Africa. Dubai then Africa. buddy passes. Takes two and a half days to get there.)

I had just picked Eli up from school, talked to three friends about school choices, less than relaxing to say the least (for those of you not from the California Bay Area or NYC.....this is the week SF tells you if you got into school. YOU? No your child, but you are basically powerless, or have to make some impossible choice. Is my 5 year old going to be a self starter? Does he need freedom or structure? Should he be fluent in Spanish, but never see a microscope? Public schools are on a lottery. You spend weeks in the fall visiting schools, pick out your favorites and you sign up. Zachary didn't get into any of his choices. The other route is private and most people get wait-listed. An icky week we experienced last year. We feel lucky, Eli is at Nueva school, which although lacking language immersion, is a fantastic school, with amazing hands on science and a good fit for Eli. Categorizing & sorting Lichen and Mushrooms in Pre-K. Eli is happy, we are happy, but it is hard to see my friends going though it and strange to be so stressed out the same week.

the house. How to even think of it. I spent 2 or 3 hours writing up all the bids and hopefully it will save us some money or hassles. Doubt it. Just made poor Eli feel ignored.



Printed a list of things to do and I hadnt even got down a third of the page. AKK.

(Ethiopia, her land. I cant wait to see her. STOP Dont get to bring her home. STOP But it will be the first time our family is together. STOP Part of her story. part of Eli's.)


Send it down the line.

Checking boxes

So many things going on....

We have been frantically house hunting, trying to find a house to move to. We just barely sold our house at the end of last year to a friend and we were excited and sad to sell. It is a dreamy house in the Mission in San Francisco, but just on the other side of gentrification....the kind of place your mother doesn't really like to visit. And now that we are parents and expecting another, it didn't feel like the best place to raise our kids.

So, this week, we checked a box.

We signed on a house, down on the peninsula, in the 'burbs, south of the city. Moving out of San Francisco after 21 years is a bit intense for me. I love the city, but 21 years of no summer gets a bit wearing. I remember, one year we went to Oregon for Dave's wedding...it was warm, it was summer. That was about 20 years ago. But weather aside, I always imagined raising my child and now, hopefully children, in the city. Such a different life than I had, but still a wonderful rich experience.

We rented 25 minutes south of SF for the summer, a house with a pool. It was so sweet and so much fun to swim everyday, and my dear husband, Mitchel, wanted to stay. Eli loves his school, it is amazing. I hope it is a good fit until he goes to high school. The people we have meet through Nueva already are feeling like a community, people we will raise our kids with. I hope this is true.

Next box, the adoption.

Today, we got our court date!

It is set for a week from Thursday, March 25 in Ethiopia. This is the date our (hopefully) daughter-to-be's paper work goes to court. It is there that it is decided (if her paperwork is in order and our paperwork is in order) if she legally can becomes a member of our family. Then we wait for our embassy date and we GO GET HER.

For our agency, Embassy appointments are the 2nd and 4th Monday of every month. There is now a minimum of 8 weeks between passing court and the Embassy appointment. So, if we pass court on March 25, that puts us in late May early June.

Election day in Ethiopia is May 23, the week we might expect our Embassy appointment. i doubt we will travel then, so probably June. If we are lucky.

holding my breath. Of course, I have gigs for the second Monday in June. Great.

but we HAVE A COURT DATE.

excited. She is coming home. oh boy.....

Oh...Oh...Oh..

We have a referral.

She is lovely and perfect. She is absolutely beautiful and I want her home right now.

Yesterday.

The second medical report came and she gained 1.5 pounds in a month, a bit less than she should have, but pretty good. I had a visceral response that said she needed me right NOW and why weren't they feeding her; I did not believe this is based in any kind of logic, just an insane mothering instinct kicking in. Turns out, it might be based in some fact. A internet PAP (perspective adoptive parent), told me that in the orphanage, she gets just enough, no excess.

All I know, she is tiny and much, much younger than we had expected, but she is who she is and we cant wait.

I want to go right now and stay for the three to five months. Stay and not come back until she can come home with us. I dont think that will work.

The CBS news report broke today and I announced on my yahoo groups today. My sense of timing is impeccable.

I went and spoke with the wise woman Lyn this past week trying to figure out what has me so wound up, other than the million things on our plate....lets see, buying a house, adopting internationally, from a country that has a late breaking scandal. The good news on that front, our agency is now certified and approved, one of 7 or 8 who are, and the Embassy reacted to scandal last year, closed all adoptions, and then reopened with new guidelines. I believe we have to go forward with the belief that she needs a home and we are here.

This path has been tricky. When we began this journey, my experience was from Guatemala where the most honest adoptions were not "relinquishment" cases but the impossible to process "abandonment" cases, so I was happy to look for an orphanage and agency that was involved with what I considered the more honest adoption process, although our agency does both. And guess what? The most ethical path to adoption in Guatemala is the opposite in Ethiopia. Relinquishment cases often have a more clear path in Ethiopia, and abandonment may very well be more likely to involve graft. When I figured that out last year, agency signed, sealed and delivered, I practically stopped reading the blogs, which I finally did when the dust settled on this scandal the first time.

Needless to say, I miss Rusty from E's adoption. I felt like I knew what was happening.

Back to wisdom. I marching orders from last week:

I am to send to the universe, love for our daughter, and support so she can feel loved in the orphanage. I am also to send the intention to "do no harm" to anyone and to ask forgiveness for any harm done. None is intended, and my deepest wishes are that none is being done by this adoption.

She was very, very small and still is. She is moving well, and it does appear from what little we can glean from her history, she needs a family.

I hope she comes home. I hope she comes home soon.

Everything seems to be up in the air at this point....

Yep. that about says it all.

Home: Where will we live? Which city do we like? How much should we spend? how much is enough? Where will the children be happy? Is the town ethnically diverse enough? is having a relaxed summer experience important? Should we stay in the city?

Work: Who is the accordion player in my band going to be? Will I be able to work when I have two children? Will I ever update the mailing list? How much should I try to outsource?

Family: What will our daughter be like? Are we too old to be parents? Why has it taken so very long? Why? Will she feel loved and like she has found home?

Everything IS up in the air at this point.